Style 2
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Pilots flying Blind
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we aren’t going to know when to take off!”
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Kids in Church
3-Year-Old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in Heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy,
don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my 3-year-old daughter, Caitlin,
The Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular 4-year-old prayed:
"And forgive us our trash baskets,
As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
Were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six-year-old Angie and her 4-year-old brother, Joel,
were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally his big sister had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,
Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, he would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the 4-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their 6-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
"Our Father, Who does art in Heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy,
don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my 3-year-old daughter, Caitlin,
The Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular 4-year-old prayed:
"And forgive us our trash baskets,
As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
Were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Six-year-old Angie and her 4-year-old brother, Joel,
were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally his big sister had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,
Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, he would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the 4-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their 6-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Monday, February 12, 2007
Lion Dance Video
The lion costume may be operated by a single dancer, but rarely is, or by a pair of dancers. The single dancer springs about while energetically moving and shaking the head and operating the jaws and eyes. The pair of dancers, forming the back and fore legs of the beast is seen perfected in the exhibitions of Chinese acrobats, with the two dancers forming as a team the motions of a single animal as they move between platforms of varying elevations. The dance is traditionally accompanied by gongs, drums and firecrackers, representing the descent of good luck.
Lion Dance - video powered by Metacafe
Lion Dance - video powered by Metacafe
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
Cool Meanings
Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills
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