Kids - Christian Humor

Minister

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen."

Big Bucks

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Floods

This old man lived near the Ohio River, and in the recent floods, he was washed away and his friends and family feared that he'd drowned. Miraculously, though, a state trooper pulled him out and his life was saved.

The old man lived many more years, but unfortunately he kept telling everyone how he survived the Ohio River floods until they were bored to tears.

Finally the old man died and went up to heaven. St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates and said, "Welcome to Heaven! We'd like you to be eternally happy, so if there's anything you'd like to do, anything at all, just tell me and we'll fix it up for you."

"Thanks," said the old man. "I'd sure like to tell a bunch of folks about how I survived the Ohio River floods."

"No problem," said St. Peter. "I'll make the arrangements and get back to you."

A few days later, St. Peter contacted the old man and took him to the lecture hall where he was to give his talk. They both waited backstage while the audience got settled, and the man was pleased to see that it was rather a large crowd.

Then St. Peter grabbed the old man's arm. "Now, I don't want to make you nervous, but I've just spotted Noah in the crowd."

Atheist

A young woman teacher with explains to her class of children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too.

Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Sara has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an atheist."

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm Jewish."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Sara why she is Jewish.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving God. My mom is Jewish, and my dad is Jewish, so I am Jewish."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Sara, "I'd be an atheist."