Christian Jokes

New Moses

The Rabbi's wife called a psychiatrist and said, "My husband thinks he's the new Moses."

The doctor assured her that these delusions of grandeur were only a passing fancy.

"Okay," she responded. "But in the meantime, how do I keep him from parting the waters in the hot tub

Star of David

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions.

People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross.

Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled, and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says, "Young man. Don't you realize that this is Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says, "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"

Hail

The local church had hired a new choir director for the church choir. The church was undergoing some roof repairs, and as a result of the incomplete roofing, the church roof was uncovered with just the tin foundation.

Meanwhile, the poor choir director was struggling with the worse choral voices this side of the Mississippi. On Sunday morning, during the choir director's debut, the choir was sounding like sour grapes. All of a sudden, a fierce hail storm broke out, just as the choir was singing its last "amen".

With that, the minister stood up and look toward the roof top and said "It sounds like hail!"

The indignant Choir Director got up and cried out, "Won't you give me a break?! I'm doing the best that I can with these terrible voices!"

Secret Sins

Three pastors went to the pastor convention and were all sharing one room. The first pastor said, "Let's confess our secret sins one to another. I'll start - my secret sin is I just love to gamble. When I go out of town, it's cha-ching cha-ching, let the machines ring."

The second pastor said, "My secret sin is that I just love to drink. When I go out of town, I like to take a little nip of something."

The third pastor said, "My secret sin is gossiping and I can't wait to get out of this room!"

Shall we Gather at the River

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."